


try again

by 127mile (pictor)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Awkward Friendship, Kissing, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 04:59:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17400482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pictor/pseuds/127mile
Summary: ❝ 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪’𝘷𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵.𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘪 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯,𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯,𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯? ❞where a kiss had unexpectedly led two friends to drift apart, only for them to find their way back to each other one night





	try again

**Author's Note:**

> markhyuck au based on mitski lyrics because i’m experiencing emotions

 

 

Mark’s head is throbbing. And he knows he should probably down a whole glass of water or two to get the alcohol out of his system. But he’s not thinking straight and it’s hot and loud and all he wants to do is to lie down and close his eyes.

 

He makes his way to the living room, where everything was louder and way too many people were on the couch, laughing, drunk.

 

He turns to the kitchen and enters, pleased to find it empty, the loud music muffled by the closed door.

 

He slumps down onto a stool and rests his head on the clearest spot on the counter, hand wrapped around his half-filled beer bottle.

 

He finally shuts his eyes, his headache too great to allow him to fall asleep easily but eventually, he does.

 

 

 

In a half-asleep state, Mark wakes up to the door opening, music blaring for a few seconds, before he’s met with snippets of a conversation in the same room he’s in.

 

“Have to go– Mom– Care of him for me?”

 

A pause.

 

“Yeah, sure.”

 

“Thank you so much–“

 

And Mark realizes there’s a weight on top of his head and the voices sound familiar but he doesn’t dwell on it. In a sleepy daze, he falls back to sleep.

 

 

 

Mark wakes up again to a light hand on his back and a voice calling out his name. He shoots up, heart beating fast, head throbbing, and disorientation clouding his mind as he realizes where he is.

 

The kitchen looks even messier than he remembers, the food in their containers reduced to crumbs, and he realizes that the loud music that accompanied him in his sleep was gone. It’s quiet.

 

“Mark.”

 

Mark could recognize that honey-dripped voice anywhere. But he still doesn’t know what to think when he turns to his right and sees Donghyuck standing there, looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face.

 

It takes Mark a few seconds to snap out from his trance and he almost panics. “What? Where’s Jaemin?”

 

“He had to pick his Mom up.” Donghyuck replies, glancing away.

 

Mark grabs his phone from his pocket, hands a little weak and shaky, and is greeted by three missed calls and four texts from Jaemin.

 

_Jaemin (23:38)_

_Where are u?_

 

_Jaemin (23:39)_

_Yo_

 

_Jaemin (23:42)_

_Mark, I’m so so sorry >.< Something came up at my dad’s office so I have to pick my mom up. I tried waking u up but u wouldn’t budge. I asked Hyuck to take care of u. He’s the only other person there. I’m sorry._

 

_Jaemin (23:49)_

_I’ll drop by ur dorm tomorrow_

 

Mark grips his phone, stuffing it back in his pocket, and runs a hand through his hair anxiously. Donghyuck looks at him then averts his gaze when Mark looks back.

 

“Sorry. You really don’t need to.”

 

“Mark, you’re drunk.”

 

“It’s okay, I can handle myself.” He pushes himself off the stool and stumbles a bit when he stands and a sharp pain shoots in his head. Donghyuck extends his hand and Mark allows him to grip his arm.

 

“Let’s go.” Donghyuck says, letting go and opening the door.

 

Mark catches a glimpse of the empty house – paper cups and plastic tableware scattered everywhere, a person he could not recognize asleep on the couch, the smell of alcohol hanging in the air – before he lets himself be led out of the house.

 

 

 

Some people would argue that losing a friend is worse than a break-up. And Mark would’ve agreed, until he realized it was even worse when you were aware of the factors involved in the downfall of your friendship _._ When that friend was currently beside you, hands stuffed in his pockets, pointedly trying to distance himself from you, but taking furtive glances to make sure you’re still okay.

 

The physical space between them felt more than it actually was. Filled with distant memories and mutual feelings neither had the courage to act upon. There was tension in the air, but they didn’t comment on it. They never did.

 

 _It’s been a while_ , Mark wanted to say, but decided against it. It was impossible to casually pretend like they simply hadn’t spoken for months. Especially when they both knew why.

 

They stay quiet the rest of the walk.

 

 

 

When they reach Mark’s dorm, Donghyuck turns to leave and Mark almost lets him. Then he realizes that he couldn’t, _shouldn’t_. Donghyuck was here with him, after months, and he couldn’t let him slip away.

 

“You can stay the night.” He blurts out, fiddling with his fingers as he avoided Donghyuck’s stare. He didn’t know what he was doing. He continued, almost inaudibly, “Your house is pretty far. And it’s late.”

 

Donghyuck glances at Mark uncertainly, “It’s alright.”

 

“It’s dark.”

 

“I can handle myself.”

 

“You’re alone.” _I’m alone._ Mark looks up and he knows Donghyuck can see him silently pleading, but he doesn’t care about how desperate he possibly looks when Donghyuck agrees, though hesitantly.

 

He didn’t know what he wanted. He felt like running — to Donghyuck or away from him, he didn’t know. But for the first time in a while, he feels a small weight lifted off his shoulders as Donghyuck follows him up to his room.

 

 

 

“Do you have soju?” Donghyuck asks, almost carefully, as soon as Mark slumps down on the couch.

 

Mark thinks and nods. Donghyuck takes two bottles out from the refrigerator and a glass from an overhead cabinet.

 

Mark is both amused and thrown off by the familiarity of it all.

 

When Donghyuck sits on the floor in front of the coffee table opposite of the couch, Mark stares as Donghyuck fills the glass.

 

“Just for you?” Mark questions.

 

“Yeah.” He downs the shot in one go and winces. “You’re already drunk.”

 

“Not enough.” Mark mutters, taking the second shot Donghyuck pours. Donghyuck doesn’t say anything.

 

Mark wishes Donghyuck would say something — complain about Mark helping himself to every other shot. _Get your own_ , he’d say before taking the glass away from him. But this Donghyuck stays quiet the whole time, even waiting from time to time for Mark to grab a shot he just poured.

 

He didn’t know what he wished from Donghyuck’s company tonight. Or maybe he did.

 

Maybe he wanted answers.

 

Mark sinks down to the floor, decreasing the space between them. Donghyuck doesn’t spare him a glance, too preoccupied with his thoughts and the bottle in his hands.

 

“Donghyuck.” Mark calls out and Donghyuck looks up, a fleeting emotion passing through his eyes.

 

Mark’s head is in a cloudy daze when he pushes himself around the table to Donghyuck, who stays still, eyes following him. Mark doesn’t know what he’s doing but he allows himself to stay by Donghyuck’s side, facing him. Donghyuck turns back to the table with no words, pouring himself another shot and bringing the glass to his mouth.

 

Mark stares at Donghyuck’s plump lips. He remembers the soft and warm feeling of them engulfing his own.

 

He remembers sitting on Donghyuck’s couch, bodies turned towards each other as they recounted the events of the week. He remembers staring at the boy fondly after he had stopped laughing, eyes sparkling and cheeks dusted pink.

 

He remembers it being a spur of the moment — leaning in and kissing him, cupping his cheeks between his hands and relishing in the way Donghyuck had kissed him back. He remembers them pulling away, staring at each other, expressions a mixture of surprise and dazed. He remembers apologizing and Donghyuck cutting him off with an exhale that sounded like a flustered laugh. _Don’t worry, kisses happen_ , he had said.

 

He doesn’t remember talking about their feelings. As far as he was aware, there had been none that time. Though, he had laid in bed at night, thinking about it millions of times after that day — what else could have moved him to kiss his friend? But instead of it feeling like a mistake, it had felt like a moment that was meant to happen. An answer.

 

It felt like a breath of fresh air, finally understanding an equation spent hours on, perfecting a piece without hesitation, finding a key to a locked door. But neither had voiced that out.

 

Instead, they had agreed to keep it a secret, choosing to place it behind themselves. _It was just a kiss, don’t worry, people kiss all the time._

 

But in the weeks that followed, they found themselves growing more conscious of each other’s presence — their eyes unconsciously following the other when they moved across the room, touches lingering a second too long, breathing patterns hitching when the other came too close.

 

Their friends continued their incessant teasing, pointing out the way they always acted different around each other. Mark hadn’t even realize that he was always like that with Donghyuck, even before the kiss.

 

Slowly, he realized his feelings and everything grew awkward.

 

Mark grew closer to Jaemin and Donghyuck grew closer to Renjun, always clinging to them and unknowingly avoiding being near the other. They subconsciously drifted apart and they really didn’t know why but at the same time, they did. It didn’t go unnoticed by their other friends.

 

The stolen glances stopped (Mark found that skipped heartbeats were becoming too painful), and so did the teasing.

 

It was only now that Mark and Donghyuck were alone. After months. Mark didn’t know what to do.

 

He looks up to see Donghyuck staring at his lips too. And it hurts, just a little bit.

 

**_I know I've kissed you before,_ **

 

Mark slowly leans forward, looking into Donghyuck’s eyes, searching. He feels Donghyuck’s warmth like an embrace and his breath on his mouth like a whisper. Mark almost forgets to breathe. He lets their lips brush, giving Donghyuck time to pull away.

 

**_but I didn't do it right._ **

 

Donghyuck doesn’t.

 

**_Can I try again,_ **

 

Mark connects their lips and he hears and feels Donghyuck’s sharp intake of breath as he blinks once, twice, and shuts his eyes tightly. Mark stores the picture of Donghyuck’s eyes staring into his before he closes his own.

 

Mark brings a hand to the back of Donghyuck’s neck, stroking the hair at the nape of his neck, angling his head to deepen the kiss.

 

**_try again,_ **

 

It’s getting hot and Mark can feel nothing else but Donghyuck, his warm breath, Donghyuck, his lips, Donghyuck, his skin, Donghyuck, his racing pulse, Donghyuck. Mark lightly nibbles on his bottom lip and Donghyuck makes a small noise at the back of his throat when Mark slips his tongue in his mouth. The sound tugs at Mark’s heart and he simultaneously wants to pull away and bring him closer.

 

**_try again,_ **

 

Kissing Donghyuck feels warm and soft and wet and just like how Mark remembers. And he never wants to stop. It hurts, because he doesn’t know what they’re doing, but he decides that his heart can take it. For the hundredth time that night, he doesn’t know what to think.

 

**_try again,_ **

 

Donghyuck slowly pulls away, placing his forehead against Mark’s. He looks down at his hands on his lap. He whispers, “Mark-”.

 

It hurts. Just a little bit.

 

But he sees how Donghyuck’s eyes flit to his lips, longingly. And he decides that he can’t give up yet.

 

“Tell me to stop.”

 

Donghyuck inhales deeply. He doesn’t say anything.

 

“Say no.”

 

Donghyuck keeps quiet and so Mark slowly presses against him until his back hits the carpet and Mark’s on top of him.

 

**_and again,_ **

 

Mark leans down, caging Donghyuck’s head between his forearms, and presses his lips harder against his. The smaller boy carefully brings his hands up to the sides of Mark’s neck, softly rubbing his thumbs on the angle of his jaw. Mark relaxes in his touch.

 

**_and again,_ **

 

He brushes his hands through Donghyuck’s hair and leaves it there, tugging slightly once in a while, drawing out the smallest of sounds from the boy underneath him.

 

**_and again,_ **

 

He opens his mouth and swallows the quiet whimpers and soft groans, body pressing closer and kisses growing more fervent.

 

**_and again,_ **

 

Mark pulls away to leave open-mouthed kisses on Donghyuck’s jaw and the expanse of his neck. Donghyuck tilts his head further back and lets him, hands interlaced in the older boy’s hair.

 

**_and again_ **

 

He brings his lips to Donghyuck’s forehead. Eye lids. Cheeks. Nose. The corner of his mouth. And leaves a lingering kiss on his lips, sucking on his lower lip before he pulls away.

 

Mark drinks in the sight of Donghyuck — cheeks tinted pink, lips swollen, hair disheveled, eyes half-lidded, pupils blown wide. He lightly traces the side of his face, memorizing every detail as Donghyuck stares back at him. _I did this_ , he thought to himself, awed.

 

Mark feels like he’s floating when he gives Donghyuck a small smile and pulls him up to the couch. They take one last shot of soju before leaning back, hands intertwined and Donghyuck snuggled in Mark’s side. Mark rubs his thumb over Donghyuck’s knuckles and the smaller boy lets out a contented sigh. No words were exchanged further that night and they drift to sleep.

 

 

 

In the morning, Mark wakes up to the warmth of the sun touching his skin and he smiles softly to himself.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> first fic, not that great but thank u for reading :)


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